Joining another community with familiar faces. Hope I’m not being intrusive at this point! Check out others here!
Another sleepless night after seeing so many fall asleep for eternity. Not enough Trazodone, melatonin, and alcohol in the world can turn my waking mind off. The door is locked, the curtains closed, the fan on, and my bed is cozy, but I have to keep my candle lit to fight off bad dreams. I think it might be keeping me awake.
I can see the flicker of light and shadow on my bedroom wall dance around in harmony from being lit. Sometimes I can see the bright and dark form into shapes, into figures, into people I know-knew. The ghosts are making hand-puppets on my walls. I can see the outline of the mother that raised me, and the father that brought her down. I want to fix them; I want to join them. I can feel the weight of my skin and bones clinging me to this bed like an anchor as I see my parents waltz in the flicker of candlelight and moonlight. A few more pills, a couple more shots, and then I can join them in sleep.